In Which I Go From Dark Despair to Reflective Gratitude

Sissy turned eight years old today. She's of course, very excited to actually BE eight, and not just almost eight, which is how she's been referring to her age for awhile. I, on the other hand, just feel like crying. I really don't want to write a dark, depressing blog on my daughter's birthday, it's just that every time each one of them has a birthday, or passes some milestone, while I am genuinely happy for them, I feel their childhood slipping away from me just a tiny bit more. Maybe having raised one child already has something to do with it. I know how quickly they grow up because I watched it happen with their brother. One day he was sitting on my lap, feet dangling above the floor, the next day I had to look up to make eye contact with him. I have slowly grown more aware the last few years of what a gift it has been from God to love and nurture two more children. And increasingly their birthdays find me feeling rather morose, in part because I listen to the enemy who reminds me (as he did today) of all the things I had planned to do with the girls this summer but didn't, and what a sorry role-model I am because I 'teach' them Biblical kindness, humility, and servant-hearted love for one another, and then don't live it in front of them. He tells me my days of influence on them are dwindling, which actually is true -- for a little while now, Sissy has been onto the fact that I don't really know EVERYthing. Oh also, I will turn forty in a few weeks. I think maybe all of that, combined with my pessimistic nature and fondness for a good cry every now and then, has sent me over the edge today.

OK, if you're still with me, and I can't blame you at all if you're not, the original subject of this post was NOT lil old angst-ridden me. It was my newly eight-year-old daughter.

This is for her.

my second born

my first daughter

prayed for, waited on....... and on and on and on....

then finally -- you were here

watching you grow has been

an indescribable gift

our sister golden hair surprise

with her daddy's eyes

i love every facet of you

your love of sports, your fiercely competitive nature, your voracious appetite for books, your gift of perseverance, your patience in teaching your sister to tie her shoes, your sprinkle of freckles, your adorable toes that I have to physically restrain myself from grabbing and munching on almost daily, the way you still say 'hooj' and 'hooman' instead of 'huge' and 'human', your crazy sense of humor, how much fun you are to be around, your ongoing wonder and amazement at learning new things about the world around you, your quirky little good-bye rituals, the joy that visibly bubbles out of you when you see your father come in from work every day, your open adoration of your brother, your unexplainable but seemingly bottomless love for me, and more, so much more

I thank God the Creator for who you are now, and who you'll one day be

and I love you the mostest.