In this morning's church service four children were baptized. Each had family and friends attending, so there was a bigger crowd than usual. On our pew and the pew in front of us there were a total of five children ranging from 4-6 years old and Sissy, who just turned 8. I saw other children sitting with their families, all over the sanctuary.
About halfway through the sermon it occurred to me that these children were not distracting anyone's attention from the service. Were they all sitting perfectly still ? No. Were they giving the pastor their undivided attention? No. They were quietly drawing on the backs of bulletins, or looking at hymnals. They moved around in their seats, but not excessively considering their ages. One of them forgot to use his "whisper" voice once, but was quickly and gently shushed and that was that. A couple of them sang along during congregational hymns. During baptism, they watched intently while parents or grandparents narrated in whispers.
These were not unusually quiet and obedient children. Interestingly, two of them have reputations for being just the opposite --in a classroom full of other children.
Wow. Could it be that children act out less often when you take away the peer group? Could it be that children could not only "sit through" but actually participate in and benefit from church services?
I believe it's important for our children to spend time learning to worship in "big church".
One of the greatest blessings a parent can have is to lead her children through the elements of group worship. Many people cringe at this idea, imagining worst possible scenarios of disruption caused by their children. I used to be one of them. This is a very valid concern -no one wants to sabotage the worship experience of other people sitting nearby.
What we've found though, is that when it comes to kids and the extra movement and noise they make in church, most people are not as disapproving as we think. In fact, most people understand. They see you being consistent. They know that you're trying. Many of them have been there and remember the challenges of teaching "church service behaviour" to young children.
The book Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman is an encouraging resource for this and I highly recommend it.
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7 comments:
That sounds like a great book! Our youngest is the only one that goes to children's church and we pulled the others before they even reached the age limit for being in there.
I added your link in my "blogs I read" section. I know I emailed you and said it would take a few days because I said I was making a blogroll but just went with my regular links for now.
God bless,
Sallie
I think it's great for children to be in regular worship service. I love seeing families worshipping together.
Sallie, I found the book in our church library, but I know Amazon has it. The author practically single-handedly raised her two sons in church services - her husband was the pastor!
Yes Kathy, I do too (obviously :)
This morning sitting with our kids, seeing the number of children upstairs - it just felt right. I don't know another way to describe it.
I think, without a doubt, children should be worshipping along side their parents. Family integrated worship is such an important thing. Children need to take part by hearing the preaching and the practice of worship. It will provide them with so many benefits. We've been part of a church that has family integrated worship for years and I have to tell you that I love it. There are babies that cry or children that forget to whisper on occasion but these things do not bother me at all. If you've never been in a church that does this, it might be a little hard to get used to at first but you quickly see the benefits of having families worshipping together and all of those minor inconveniences seem to disappear. I wouldn't have it any other way. Not only do my children participate in worship, they see their peers doing the same.
I too believe that children should be in church with their parents. When our children were young, we attended a very small church with no nursery and no children's church, which I think was a blessing. The kids learned to sit still and be quiet, and we learned how to help them. We also got to be a family, worshiping together.
In later years, we attended a larger church with a full-blown, nursery and children's church, but we didn't like the idea of the family scattering like roaches at the door of the church. (sorry, strange metaphor-- it's just what popped into my head.) Sadly, we unintentionally offended a couple of leaders at that church by not letting our youngest attend children's church after the first time. (We didn't think watching Veggie Tales and eating candy was the best use of his time in church.)
Just a few weeks ago at the church we now attend there was a baptismal service, therefore it was a "family worship" day, meaning, all the children were present in the service, instead of being in children's church. I was a little shocked at how badly so many of the children behaved: running around, screaming, crying, and talking loudly. Then it occurred to me that they have never had to learn to sit in church and be courteous of others around them. And then it occurred to me that their PARENTS had never learned how to train their children to sit in church. I'm thinking about starting a class to teach parents how to teach children to behave in church. Or else just pass around the book you mentioned...
I wanted to comment again... There can be proper services for children. Our church has an offering and music and a lesson. We've had some problems with our leaders before too if we said something about something we didn't agree with. However, for the most part I have enjoyed letting my children participate the years they did go to CC.
Oh I agree -- my children have had some wonderful Children's Church teachers. More than once I have overheard as the lesson was being taught and been thankful my child was in that class. And I should be clear.... all three of my children have participated in CC until they "graduated" which for our church is the beginning of first grade, so Peanut just started coming upstairs on a regular basis, BUT once a month the Kindergarten CC class doesn't meet, so the children can begin sitting upstairs with their parents and sort of preparing for when they'll be up there all the time. Also, we don't have CC at all on Sun. evenings, just a nursery from 0-3 yrs. so even Peanut has spent quite a bit of time in worship services already.
This setup has worked wonderfully for our family. I guess I'm just glad we don't have CC for older children. Of course, we would have the option of keeping them out, and I don't believe anyone would be offended by it, but for our kids it would be another "Why aren't we doing what everybody else is doing?" kind of deal, and that question makes me more tired than the thought of keeping a wiggly 6yo still in church :o)
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